So it begins...

originally posted on 10/3/09 at "Less Robin"

photo by digitalcat

It didn't all begin today.

I remember being "fat" forever.

I started Weight Watchers for the first time when I was in 3rd grade. I don't get it when I look at photographs. I don't look as fat as I thought I was.

I went to Fat Camp the summer between jr high and high school and was finally normal. It didn't last. By the time I graduated from high school I was a small fat girl.
By the time I graduated from college I was a medium fat girl.

Now I'm a huge fat woman. Morbidly Obese. Wow, that's hard to type...

Until recently I was always a "healthy" fat person. My weight has caught up with me. In the last year, I've had an episode of atrial fibrillation, been diagnosed with moderate obstructive sleep apnea, been prescribed a cpap machine and mask for sleeping (way better than anything Victoria's Secret has for feeling sexy), been diagnosed with high blood pressure... the list goes on.

I considered weight loss surgery, but it's not an option for me at the present time. I have to get some medical stuff cleared before I can pursue it. I'm not sure I want to pursue it.

Losing weight is no longer something I want to do... it's something I have to do.

I don't want to die, or worse yet... have a stroke.

I want to see my boy grow up. I want to grow old with my husband.

I'm hoping that blogging my struggles and journey will help.